A Little Bruise

The day after driving from Louisville to Texas I bumped my knee and fell to the floor sobbing.
Granted, I did bump it very hard and there is already a bruise, but I have a feeling the tears were not about the bump.
I barely slept the night before, waiting for my daughter to wake up crying in the night, sweating through my clothes and not knowing where I was.
I never sleep well the first night away from home.
Then I woke up to a very needy and moody preschooler, who was ready for the day long before the sun.  And despite this wake up call, I was still managing to run late for our new preschool appointment.  It is twenty degrees warmer here than the home we left and thus I have nothing to wear... nothing that isn't packed in random, unlabeled bags and rashly packed boxes.
So, it was sorting through just such a bag or box that I managed to totally abuse my knee and fall into sobs.
Up to the day of our departure I shed nary a tear.  I was happy, excited about our new journey.  I was confident each of my amazing friends would stay in touch and continue our friendship (and still hope).  I was amazed at the opportunities already being presented for us to meet people and get SJ into school.  I was too busy to bother with tears.  It was obviously the Lord!
However, packing up our truck on that gray day was more sorrow-filled than I was ready for.  But even then, in the hustle and bustle I only shed a few quick tears and then was forced to carry on.  So, bumping that dreadfully boney knee was my first chance to let the flood gates open.
In those five minutes of tears I mourned not seeing my fellow mom friend every day as we take our daughters to the same quirky preschool class.  I mourned our fabulous fridays filled with other moms and their kids and the amazing fall weather of Louisville.  I mourned my home with my kitchen and my room and my stuff organized my way.   I mourned our amazing community church where we had been served and served.
Then I got up, changed clothes...again, and headed out the door to begin our life for the next two months.  Our life in-between two worlds.  That weird blank page after the last page of your favorite novel that is between you and your next story.
Despite all the bruises, I am actually relieved to cry and let it out and admit that there is sorrow amidst the joy and excitement.  I am praying we fill this blank page with meaning and memories and that there will not be a single page wasted.  

Four Weeks

We have four weeks left in Louisville.
When I turned my calendar from September to October I just stood still in the kitchen and stared at the page.  Black numbers with bright pink words dashed all around.  How did we get to October and how is my calendar already full?

October is one of my favorite months.

Yes, I am weird and have favorite months and favorite days and favorite times of day etc.
So, October is one of my favorite months because it represents all things fall.  Pumpkins and apples are ripe for picking.  Pumpkin Spice Lattes are everywhere.  The wind is cool and the sun is warm.  The days are shorter but still long.  You may need a jacket and you can wear boots.
We were married Sept. 30, which is basically October too!  (Happy 7 to us! 7 is one of my favorite numbers!)
October is also when SJ was born!  So we will have a house full of wild princesses very soon.

This October is special because it is our last month in Louisville for a long while.
We are having a dance party to raise support for our mission.
We are going to farms and fall festivals.
We are having a going away party.
We are having a birthday party.
And in the mix, we are packing up our lives and moving.

Random Praise Story:
Friday I was having a hard day being a mom (I had no clue four year olds could argue and act sullen like 14 year olds!)
So I was just about to call Drew and let him know about my day and ask for prayer and encouragement ... but first I needed to go to the bathroom and I could talk to him on my way to pick up SJ from school.  Then PLUNK... phone into the toilet.  SERIOUSLY?!?!  What timing!
I shot D an email and we both posted on Facebook that we needed a phone for the next two months.
This quickly turned into a praise because 1. when I picked up SJ we were able to have a heart to heart moment and I was able to reverse my own attitude and enjoy some time with her and 2. had to rely on God more than others to comfort me in my need and 3. a friend of ours offered me her old iphone on loan!
So after many years with only the most basic phone I am in the iphone world and what a world it is!
----
The reason this story is relevant is that one of the hard things about having so much going on is it is hard for me to keep up on the day to day.  Last week alone I missed two appointments just because I forgot and was busy with other things.
So now I can keep my calendar with me and add to it as things strike me... b/c they rarely strike me at home but weird places like pick up line or highway or line at the grocery!


Quick Update on France and Funding:

HUGE PRAISE!!!  We are very close to reaching our full goal for our $45,000 launch fund!
We still need $2000 in monthly support, which can also be viewed as approximately $24,000 in one-time gifts for the next year.

To give:  bit.ly/sojournlyon-lewis

Another praise is that we have several options open to us for SJs preschool in the DFW area.  This was something I had almost given up on and then all of the sudden several opportunities arose!  I am happy we can keep up that routine for her.

Please continue to pray for our financial support to come in.  We are planning to leave by the end of the year.
Please also pray for our team leaders who are already in France and recently found out a family member here in the States has terminal cancer.
Pray for our other team members who are also raising support and raising two little boys at the same time!
Pray for us as we move and pray for SJ as she makes several hard transitions.
Pray for us as we parent her, we need constant guidance and grace.

Thank you for joining us on this journey!

Preschool

Well our not-so-little SJ started "real" preschool this year! She is on her fourth week today and I am amazed at how grown up she already seems.
The first week of school she was a little apprehensive upon arrival but never really cried but just wanted to hold on to me.  She was happy when she came out but obviously exhausted and emotional.
The second week she would sometimes complain about having to go to school in the morning but then by the time we were dressed and ready she was anxious to go and happy and bubbly coming out.
The third week was smooth sailing... other than forgetting her backpack twice!  oops
She got to bring a snack on Wednesday and the person who brings snack also gets to  do show and tell, be the line leader and have special paint time.  Needless to say, Wednesday was an amazing day and she continues to talk about it.
I feel so blessed to see that she is happy and adjusting.
At first I felt guilty and questioned our decision to send her.  Was I being selfish? Was I neglecting her?  Thankfully God was quick to speak to my heart (while I was mopping) and remind me that this adjustment is so small compared to the school adjustment she will have in France.  We didn't put her in school so mommy could take a break, though it has been nice to run errands and clean house etc, but we enrolled her so that she would already be familiar with having to say bye to mom for part of the day and sit in class and participate and make new friends etc.  I am already witnessing God preparing her heart!!  The first two weeks she only talked with the friends from our church in her class, but now she has made a handful of new friends and knows their names!
Her favorite thing about preschool is definitely the snack time.  We gave up morning snacks this summer and she is overjoyed at the treat each school day!  This girl loves to eat.
Her least favorite thing are "the boys that break the rules".  She is always telling us how they "break her heart" when they sin and disobey.  So serious.
We have noticed that our girl is no longer a toddler but an official big girl.  She is so sweet and serious. She cracks us up with her humor and "good ideas".
Her goals in life are to be a mommy and a big sister......and maybe a pilot, or a teacher or a dancer.

Long Time; Big Changes.

(our team being commissioned by Greater Europe Mission)

I can't believe how long it's been since I last blogged.
I think I am just now coming up for air since January (thanks to preschool mornings).
So much has happened... so much IS happening.

In April we had training with our sending agency, Greater Europe Mission.  They are a great organization that trains and supports missionaries on the ground in Europe.  They don't contribute money but they contribute support (advice, counseling, training, team meetings/support with other missionaries) and strategy.  They also enable people, LIKE YOU, to give to us in a tax deductible way!

If you would like to partner with us go to:  bit.ly/sojournlyon-lewis

They also taught us a lot about partner development... aka fundraising and that's what we've been doing ever since.

Greater Europe Mission and Sojourn Community Church have both officially commissioned us (along with our team) as missionaries to Lyon, France!

Back to the fundraising.  We need approximately $5000 a month in addition to the salary Drew will be receiving.  This is the basic minimum for a family in France according to several missions agencies(accounting for the 30% cost of living increase as well as the strength of the Euro over the dollar).
We also need approximately $45,000 in launch funds to cover training and support costs with Greater Europe Mission (GEM), language school for a year, relocation agencies, and basic set up in our apartment.  "You can't take it with you"...we are applying that principle to just about everything we own!

Since April we have met with people on average 5 out of every 7 days in the week in Louisville.  We travelled through Texas during the month of August to see family and raise support.

Today we are thankful to be at 50% of our total need.

However, this is still 50% short of where we hoped to be by this date.  Our original plan was to move to Lyon in July, but because of things on the business end of things we were postponed until October.  Now we are having to postpone again until we can finish raising the support we need to live once we are there.

Our new launch date is January!

We will remain in Louisville through October and head back to Texas in November and stay until we leave for France.

Sad is not even an accurate word for how I feel about leaving Louisville.  This is my home and I love this city.  I love our church and our community.  I am thankful for SJ's new preschool and all her sweet little friends.  I LOVE fall in Louisville.
However, I am happy to have more time with family.  I am happy SJ gets more cousin time!  I am thankful it won't be 100 degrees while we are there this time.
I am also confident.  I am confident this is what we are supposed to do right now.  We were planning on saying goodbye to our Louisville family in October anyway and so this is not much different.  I am thankful for the amazing renters we have to live in our home while we are gone.

Even though this was not our plan A, we are confident this is His plan!
We are forgetting what lies behind and looking at what lies ahead!
We are savoring all our favorite things in Louisville.  Favorite restaurants, picking apples, watching the leave change, walking in all our favorite parks and spending time with our community and church.
I am rejoicing that I will get to see another nephew brought into this world and get to see The Hunger Games movie!  I rejoice that I will have a true Thanksgiving with my wonderful family and celebrate birthdays and Christmas with them one more time.
God is so good.  Even in the midst of major changes and uncertainty about the future, He reminds me of the joys I have ahead of me and the love He has provided both in Louisville and Texas.

Please pray for us through all these changes and please pray about partnering with us in financially support.  

To give:  bit.ly/sojournlyon-lewis

1 Timothy 2:15

And women shall be saved through childbirth...

I've never known what to think exactly about this passage and it has always irked me a little.  I have heard pastors and fellow moms expound upon the meanings and I have looked up the commentaries and all that but never has it really meant anything to my heart until this week.
My heart has been heavy to the point of breaking.  Many tears have fallen and many prayers have risen.
My daughter needs Jesus.  And so do I.
SJ has always been a serious child.  I think this contributed to her colic as a baby.  She is easily over stimulated and over whelmed by people and new situations.  She likes formula, routine, consistency, rules.
However, once we sort of figured each other out... somewhere between one year and 18 months, life with her was such a joy.
She is terribly cute and funny in her seriousness and very communicative at an early age.  We had normal girl drama and fussiness but up until her third birthday, toddlerhood was pretty easy.
At the three year mark we started to get some of the stronger will coming out.
Then, since my return from the most recent visit to France the tantrums began.  However, they were few and far between until the past week or two.  We could usually avoid them by avoiding situations where she might be overtired, overstimulated or over hungry...  however, life is not perfect and predictable so even that wasn't fail proof.
Since returning from Christmas, they have been every day, every bed time and many times in-between.
For some one who is naturally compliant and sensitive, this is a struggle.
When SJ hits me or screams in my face I just want to cower and cry.
I am not saying this to say my nature is better than hers... absolutely not.  I'm saying my weakness is perfectly fitted with her weakness to create quite the storm of emotion.
However, once I hit the bottom of the parenting barrel, I looked up.  Since then, I have been trying to fix my gaze on things above... on the One above who I desire to please more than SJ, Drew or even myself (gasp).  I am fixed on the loving gaze of the One who loves my daughter right in the midst of her rage and who loves this mama right in the middle of her weakness.
And each day I have felt His strength through me.
The strength to not take every fit and act of defiance personally (though I still do sometimes).
The strength to hold the raging child with peace and love and patience.
The strength to remember to pray pray pray... and then pray some more.
The strength not to give in to my self pity and depressing moods but to keep persevering.
None of that strength is from me.  I am not a boot straps person.  I am a call the husband weeping in the car with a screaming child strapped in the back seat sort of person.
I am a curl up in a ball and cry or watch TV until I forget person.
Only in Christ is there any good, any chance of a glimpse of good parenting, any ability to love beyond what naturally pleases me or makes me feel good.
And I have seen Christ emerging from me little by little day by day and then this verse comes to mind and I see Him saving me.
Not that my salvation was in doubt until now but I see him making me look more like himself.  I see the changes this struggle is bringing and hopefully will bring in the future.  I see that with out this challenge... with out this hardest thing I've ever done called parenting thing... I would not have this growth in the same ways.. I would not taste the sweetness mixed with the bitter and sour.
Today I am encouraged that though I am one step forward and two steps back with my toddler, than I am ever forward on my journey with the Lord and that HE IS FAITHFUL.  yes.
And He is LOVE.

Trip to Lyon: Recap

Last month I was able to go with our team leaders to Lyon, France.  We were the first "eyes on the ground" for the team and hoping to get a feel for the city and understand what it will be like to live there a little more. 

Tuesday was a travel day for the team leader's wife and her five year old and myself.  Our traveling was relatively easy and we all got to watch movies and catch a little sleep.  I am so so thankful that we made all connections and our luggage made it with out a single issue.  If you know anything about me and travel, you know this in and of itself is a miracle!

Wednesday we arrived in Lyon to find a local from Lyon (a business contact) holding our name on a sign.  JP is a true gift from God.  I am already hoping and praying for his salvation and for the ways our group can love and serve him in the years to come.  He took us to our hotel, walked us all around downtown Lyon and even bought us dinner.  He even had a toy tiger waiting for the little one in the car... this tiger was also to accompany us every where from then on (with out getting lost!).  We should've taken pictures of all the places that tiger went.  We were exhausted and stayed in a hotel and slept... a little too well.  

Thursday we were to meet F_ at 11am to go to the apartment we were renting in Croix Rousse (CR)... we got a call from the front desk at 11 saying he was there... we were all still asleep.  We threw on clothes and went to the apartment... which was amazing.  Then we headed straight out again to walk the streets and see if we could find our way around some of the places JP had taken us during our travel hang over the night before.  We did it.  We literally walked all day.  We managed to navigate the metro (we are all pros by now, including the littlest), and find a great cafe creme, kebab, and other treats... namely bread and cheese.  We only got slightly lost trying to get back to the apartment in the dark... we were about a block away the whole time but couldn't get our bearings b/c we didn't know which way was North or South and everything looks so different in the dark!  We found our way though and decided to eat in the apartment and get to bed.  Team leader hub arrived that night.

Friday littlest was going to attend a local school but that didn't work out.  We did get to go to the school for our area (CR) and meet with the head of the maternelle (3-6yrs old).  She was super helpful and gave us a tour of the school.  They go to the Opera and invite artists and singers in to teach the kids and put on mini concerts for the kids.  There is a cute little gym and playground and really seemed like a great place over all.  It is just a stone's throw from the actual elementary school and about a 10min walk from our apartment.  

I personally felt really encouraged and overwhelmed here... though it was great and all, it really hit me hard that I would actually be sending SJ to school next year and lose so much time with her and not really be a part of her development as much.  However, I was comforting that they seemed totally ok with kids just going for a half day for a while and gradually working up to a full day.  She said they would meet with parents to help them know how their kid is adjusting.  After this we walked some more and TLW (team leader wife) and I had an AMAZING dinner out on the town.  

Saturday afternoon we met with a local pastor/church planter (American nationality but raised in Africa and France) and his wife (who is French) and their three boys (and one on the way).  They were super friendly and talked to us a lot about transitioning and what their church is like.  They highly recommended bringing furniture and everything from the States b/c it's so much more expensive in France... we however don't have a lot worth taking so TLW and I briefly mentioned maybe all of our team sharing a part of a crate thingy and splitting the cost.  The wife talked a little about how there are not a lot of stay at home moms and that there is not a lot of community.  This seemed specific for their church simply b/c every one lives far away from each other and far from the city center, so it is difficult for many to make the drive many times a week.  Then you factor in kids and school etc etc and it's nearly impossible.  

Their church meets Sundays for one service and kids stuff is during the preaching.  They meet throughout the weeks in smaller groups that are in the process of becoming church plants.  Not as much a community group as a church plant it seemed... wasn't really clear on how this looks and works out.  It was a long long-term plan.  The pastor was SO generous and obviously has a vision for his church and a passion for the people and for church planting.  

After we met he took us up to the Basilica to see Lyon by night.  It was amazing and sad to look over a city so beautiful and so lost.  He gave us a complete history of Lyon and Christianity in about 30 minutes and it was heart wrenching for me.  Lyon has seen a repeated cycle of Christian growth and vitality marked by tragic suffering and persecution.  The Basilica was actually built to worship Mary.  It's hard to think about if we are a part of a resurgence of the faith... will our children or even ourselves then be a part of the persecution.  I'm not proud of this, but that scares me.  

Sunday we went to the church.  The main thing I will say is that the people were so warm and friendly.  We had a couple of invites to meals from complete strangers and many offered to help us as we plan and prepare to move.  There were a lot of N. Africans and a good mix of Swiss and French.  

More eating and walking after...

While at this church is really hit me: we have to learn the language to survive.  I was worse than a toddler there, I was a mere infant, unable to communicate anything more than a basic hello or goodbye and a friendly smile.  It's hard not to feel stupid and embarrassed in these moments... so I am channelling all those feelings into language learning!

Monday we met with two pastors from Acts 29 Europe (who are in Paris) and another local church pastor.  The pastor is Lyonaise but his wife is from Ohio.  We chatted over lunch.  I have no idea what the guys talked about but the ladies talked more about schooling and their church.  They encourage small accountability groups between men and women (separately) and have community groups through out the week.  They also have women's ministries just beginning at their church.  They have two grown daughters and a grown son, all who were raised in Lyon.  They all went to public school until middle school ish and then attended the international school.  She expanded a little on the stay at home mom issue but said she really tries to promote it when she can.  This is a much bigger church than the other but there were a lot of things about it I resonated with.  They do not have many N. Africans but a good amount of West Africans and then a mix of French and a few other Americans.  Then there was a lengthy convo with the Acts 29 guys.

As far as where to live...Lyon is divided into 9 arrondissements ... we (I think it's safe to say we) are still a little confused.  The 6th is very beautiful and seemingly family friendly with wide sidewalks and easy access to the center of town and metros.  I fell in love with CR, which is the 4th but it is on a hill and that could be really hard for a double stroller and/or new babies... but we're not ruling it completely out b/c it is more affordable than the 6th.  We didn't love the 3rd but it was close to the churches we visited and cheaper still.  1st is downtown and super pricey.  JP said the 9th and I think 7th or 8th are no good.  Many families live quite a ways out of town but I think we agreed we felt a little stronger about living in the city and having better access to metros etc.  

Thankfully JP has mentioned helping us find a good apartment (he was very protective of us ladies) as well as the pastors and other believers we met. 

I'm sure I'm leaving out a ton but I hope that gives a grasp for some of what we did.  In all that walking around we were pricing home goods and clothes etc too so we can have a better grasp for the cost of things ahead.

So Where Are We Now?

So what do you do when the dust settles?
What did Isaiah do after the coal touched his lips and he said, "Here am I, send me".
After the angels receded and the daylight returned... what did he do next?
Life keeps going, keeps ticking.
Plans have to be made and planned and replanned and then executed.
Something that I didn't expect was that it would be harder to start undoing all that we have been doing than saying yes to going.
When we first came to Louisville, we didn't know a soul.  Our first life-line to community was a random community group we were invited to.  These were our first friends, our first church family in Louisville.  I watched their babies come into the world, ate countless amounts of chick fil a, cried and laughed, celebrated holidays, babysat, learned to be a wife and a friend, dealt with conflict and watch the Lord call each of them away.
All that to say, we "got" community.  We really loved the vision our church had/has about living life in community scattered (community groups) and community gathered (Sundays).
Soon we were apprenticing to become leaders, then we had a group of our own.  For a few years that grouped morphed from a random group of college students, to singles, to newly married... all friends and all family.
We love community group!
Then we became coaches, the people who try and love and help community group leaders.
We love seeing the Lord work in each of our community groups.  We see immature Christians mature and flourish.  We see people with out a vision begin to serve and sacrifice.  We see a lot of love.
All that loving takes a lot of time!
It's hard b/c we are having to make time for new things:  French class for all three of us, France Team Meetings, School of Missions, preschool, going through and getting rid of all our stuff etc etc...
So we have to begin stepping out.
But how do you step out of something you love and enjoy and where there is a huge need?
So right now we are walking a very tight rope.
We are trying to faithfully love and serve our groups and other ministries, while at the same time starting up and faithfully beginning this new journey.
So, that's where we are.
Busy... but full of good things.
Stepping in and stepping out and needing a lot of grace to do both!
Realizing that the journey ahead will have bumps in the road but that the mission is worth any pain!