Friday, April 24, 2009

Still Pregnant

We have reached 15 weeks!
Update: I went to the doctor today and got to hear that glorious heart beat. It actually took a few minutes to find the heart beat and those were some anxious minutes for me. Today is a beautiful day and for the most part a relaxing day... in a busy sort of way. However, this week has been hard...busy...emotional...etc. I haven't had 2 consecutive hours alone with my husband this week that I can think of and he is gone this weekend on a much needed retreat!
Insert side note: my husband is so amazing. He is the most gentle and strong man I know. He is so attractive both physically and spiritually. He is so caring, sensitive and hilarious. He seeks out my heart, provides for me, serves me... I could go on. Not only this but he is a great friend. I love his loyalty to friends and family. The thing that breaks my heart is that this wonderful man has a not-so-wonderful job that keeps him out of the home for 10-12 hours a day. This job can be so discouraging. So I am happy to report Drew is off camping with men this weekend! Please pray for him... and if you know of any jobs for a parks and recreation major who is now the manager/finance/marketing guy for an international company..... please let me know!!
Back to the update: So... it's a beautiful day and I had a relaxing morning, time in the Word, a brisk walk and quick lunch with my hubby and then headed to the doctor... nothing bad about that day. Well, I got to the doctor and went through the usual routine. I never look at the scale because I am SUCH a perfectionist the numbers can drive me mad... so I go by how I feel and look and fit into my clothes. Well, since that test doesn't work so well when pregnant I decided to ask and see if I was on track. The only problem... I don't know what on track is! So the nurse told me I had gained 5lbs (she didn't say total or since last visit but I'm thinking total). So I ask, "is that normal... or okay?". She paused, thought and then said, "well every one is different". I don't know about you but an answer like that usually means, "I don't want to hurt your feelings by saying you are a fatty so I'll tell you that every one is different". Strike one.
Insert side note: I thought I was doing good b/c I can still fit all my pants and even had to return to the use of a belt! My stomach is starting to look different and "fuller" but not really much. It's so funny b/c my friends who have never had kids are always staring at me and saying, "oh I think you are showing... I think I can tell" etc... it's is such a back handed compliment, especially after a meal... which is when the comments always come (cough cough emily and lauren!). I just roll my eyes at them and laugh... they are so anxious and excited about it all. Then my friends who have kids are always telling me, "you are SO not showing... quit lying... I can't see anything...nice try". So it's really hilarious. I think people who want to see the progress think they can and those who are use to the long ordeal aren't in a hurry to see any proof. We'll see what my family thinks in a few weeks... then again a lot can happen in a few weeks.
The story continues: Then she took my blood pressure. This is another area that plagues me.... those numbers again! I worry about having high blood pressure... but for no real reason. Over Christmas we all took our blood pressure and mine was the highest of EVERY SINGLE PERSON in my family! (my family joked that I have always been the high strung one... I think I am tense even when I feel chill... I am just very AWARE and ALERT.... yea...) They were stunned and I was discouraged. So, I asked... how is it. Another too long of a pause, well, it's a little high she says. OH GREAT! I ask her what I should do, she shrugs. So helpful, really. Strike two. So then she takes me to the room.
I sit there looking at the stirrups and feel it coming, those hot tears. I was feeling like a failure or a let down.. to who, I have no clue! So I'm taking deep breaths and then they just start coming anyway. It's so ridiculous I keep thinking, I'm not upset.. my day is fine. STOP IT! Luckily I love love love my doctor, she goes to my church and is the sweetest, kindest most soft spoken wonderful woman ever. So she came in and asked how I was, "emotional" I say but "good". She smiles that sweet smile and says it's okay... so of course I start getting teary again. ugh. So we talk a bit about the weight and she reassures me that I am fine and look great etc. So she tries to cheer me up by suggesting we go ahead and take a listen for the heart beat. So I'm laying there... hearing static... a minute goes by with just static and then the machine dies. So I lay there with goop on me wondering, what if.... then a new machine begins to find the static... a minute or two passes... or an hour.... tears are welling up again and fear. I ask her how long til she gets worried... she says she is not worried and that this is very normal early on... but 4 weeks ago it did not take this long. Then finally, those glorious beats, almost 150. I just burst out crying. Tears were streaming into my ears. It's so funny b/c I haven't cried there before... not during the ultrasound not last time we heart it... so I have seemed pretty stable... until today. She reassured me she would tell me if she ever thought anything was wrong. We talked about the blood pressure and she suggested it might be the week's stress or just a precondition... she said a lot of healthy people still end up with high blood pressure and that after the baby is born if it persists we will talk to an internist if I or she is still worried.
So, all is well. And... next visit we get to see our little Baby Lew and find out if we are having a girl or boy! I can't wait.. I am so happy to have many distractions in the next four weeks!
Tonight is another girl's night for all us ladies who's men are gone campin' and I'm looking forward to some laughs and good guacamole!
Eventually I will start taking real belly pics... I just have to get that hubby of mine to be home at the same time as me first!


Courtney said...

you are SO not showing... quit lying... I can't see anything...nice try

I still hate that you had such a terrible afternoon! I'm still praying for you, sweet sister, in the weeks ahead.

Mama Blue said...

OK, I am going to go against the grain and say that I definitely see a little bump :)Now it might be a very small bump, but a bump no less.
Sometimes dr. appointments can be very tense and emotional, for me I could be worry free until I walked in that door, especially the 1st pregnancy.
Look forward to seeing you soon!

Kristin 'Pritchard' Frisbie said...

You have been in my thoughts and prayers lately Lindsey! I COMPLETELY understand the whole perfectionist and numbers on the scale thing. I struggled with it during my pregnancy. I never looked at the scale either. You look AMAZING though!! Much better than I looked at 15-16 weeks, haha!