Third Grade...

I was just reading an article about writing and being a writer. It talked about making a sweetheart in your mind to counteract the critic. The sweetheart is sweet and simple. When the critic says you are dumb and your writing stinks, your sweetheart just says, keep trying. At the end of the article there were several prompts given to promote writing. The first one said, "tell me everything you remember about the third grade". This made me smirk to myself because I remember EVERYTHING about third grade. Here are the highlights:

Before I entered the third grade I knew who I wanted my teacher to be. She was young and pretty with pouffy curly hair and red nails. Her name was Mrs. C--. I also knew exactly who I didn't want and that was Mrs. Smith. My sister had her and they didn't get along and I didn't want to get caught up in that mess. So I waited and begged my mom to put in a word with the principle and waited some more. Then I got a letter with a picture of all the third grade teachers and I got Mrs. Wyatt and the first thing I noticed was that she had a lot of frown lines. Some one had just taught me about frown lines on the brow and so I was sure this lady must be terrible to have frown lines (I didn't know anything about natural age lines). It gave me nightmares.
So I went into third grade with much trepidation.
In third grade I was growing out my hair and bangs and so it was always in a half pony-tail sticking straight up in the air (pebbles style). I also had a mouth appliance that expanded my top teeth and connected down to a retainer that completely encased all my lower teeth. The connector was metal and got stuck if you opened your mouth too wide... and it squeaked.
We were a class of misfits.
The boy next to me walked on his tip toes and couldn't tie his shoes. The girl a few desks over had an absurd amount of weird animals living in her house and her head was always in a fantasy world that involved lots of cats. I am very allergic to cats.
There was also a girl twice as tall as any one in the class and she bullied every one and was really mean. One day her mom came to class and made her recite the "brownie pledge" and bought the whole class bluebell ice cream in the little containers with wooden scooper things as an apology.
Another boy kept a mini air force base under his chair and worked on it at every possible free moment.
This was my class. (I actually even remember most of their names)
I remember knowing it was a little strange at the time and the room was a little dim but there was one shining light in the room and it was Mrs. Wyatt. It turns out those frown lines were completely misleading. She had a way of connecting to her students and loving them despite their strangeness or intelligence. She never gave demerits or marks of any kind but if you misbehaved you got ZAPPED! She would be talking and all the sudden say ZAP and point to the offender. It worked.
She brought in an extra teacher's desk and set it at the front/middle of the room and each student got to sit in the desk for a week at a time and be the star student of the week. I loved organizing all those drawers in that desk during my week.
She also had us write a biography and I did Princes Diana and came all dressed up and presented my biography to the class.
Midway through the year a handicapped (mentally and physically) girl was put in our class and I was assigned to be her guide and helper. I loved this girl. I gave her my school supplies and even brought her a backpack from home. It was my favorite pack but I had still gotten a new one for a new year. So I colored in any faded spots with marker and brought it to her. I cried when her sister stole it and tore it up. One day she was gone and I have never forgotten her. I worried about her a lot... especially b/c she had such a mean big sister. I still wonder what happened to her.
During the second half of my third grade year the unimaginable happened... we lost our principle (who was a family friend of sorts and had been principle for my older sister and me). If that wasn't enough... he wanted to take my precious teacher with him. I had a special bond with my teacher and loved to stay after school and talk to her and help out around the class. I thought she was amazing. Well, so did my principle. She was to be the new librarian at the new middle school they had just built that he would be principle at. She decided to take the job and thus we got a new teacher with only a little bit left in the school year. I was devastated.
Mrs. Reynolds.
I recognize now that she was probably a nice person and that I probably wouldn't have liked any teacher that took Mrs. W's place... but then... I felt the injustice of it all so acutely.
Mrs. Reynolds had black hair with a grey streak and only wore black, white and red and she raised her voice... a lot. She couldn't handle our misfit class and had a completely different style than what we were used to. The more she yelled and lost her patience the more out of control the class got. She made so many rules, we could barely breath. There were two offenses though that really stood out and drew a line in the sand between us. First, field day is supposed to be a fun day for every one... basically a holiday at school. She made us all stay together as a class and we could only leave to participate in our sport. And when my mom came to see me, she wouldn't even let my mom take me to get a snow cone (they had sno cones on campus FOR field day). I think my mom eventually convinced her but I couldn't believe it... we always got to go with our parents, no matter what they were doing if they came up to the school. Secondly, Mrs. W had promised on the first day of school that all the students who never got zapped and had all Es for the year would get a pizza party. When I asked Mrs. R about it at the end of the year she basically scoffed at me and said there was no way she was going to do that. I have always had a heart for "justice" and to my third grade mind this was an injustice to the highest degree.
I never said anything to any one about all of this... I knew my place. I knew I was to obey and respect my teachers and elders and so I made it through the year with good grades and all Es and never a bad word from the teacher.
But like a good western, high noon was fast approaching... the shoot out.
At the end of the year Mrs. R asked us to write a letter to the upcoming third graders (current 2nd graders). It would be a letter that they would read at their desk on the first day of school in order to give them some encouragement and motivation to do well in third grade. She emphasized being HONEST and giving them a REALISTIC perspective on the challenges of third grade. So I did... I obeyed. In my heart I remember having a completely clear conscience that I was doing the right thing... being honest.
I wrote... I wrote that Mrs. R was very mean and yelled a lot and that they should ask their mom to call the office and ask for a different teacher if at all possible. If that wasn't possible I suggested keeping your head down and just getting through. I don't remember anything else but basically it never occurred to my third grade brain that the teacher would read these before she gave them to the new students.
I went to brownies that night and when I got home my parents did not have smiles on their faces. There was a conversation that involved "you know what you did" and I really DIDNT KNOW! I had no clue what I was in trouble for. Then they told me how my teacher had called CRYING and was so hurt and completely confused about why I would write such terrible things. So then I bluntly explained that it was all true. My parents strongly "encouraged" me to write a new letter to turn in the next day. I remember sitting on the floor with my paper on the seat of a chair and just staring... not knowing how to be nice to my teacher and honest at the same time. That's when I learned to write fluff.
I turned it in the next day and apologized and was so thankful the year was almost over so I wouldn't have to sit and feel the guilt of having hurt her feelings. I truly felt terrible for hurting her, it had just never crossed my mind that she could be hurt b/c I thought she knew how mean she was. That day she sent me on an errand in the school and when I came back she was waiting outside the room to talk to me (wah wah). I remember her asking me what she had ever done to me to deserve those comments (I remember thinking that the letter wasn't even written to her). So I tried to nicely tell her how she yelled at us all the time and how Mrs. W NEVER yelled. I'm sure I said more but at the end I looked right at her and told her that the worst thing was that I had worked so hard for that pizza party and now she wasn't going to do it.
Oh the simplicity of a third grader.
I could never look at her in the face even when I graduated elementary school... I avoided her like the plague. I really really hope that one day she realized not to take everything a third grader says so personally and also not to yell so much. Like I said, I'm sure she was actually a really nice person.
And to this day I struggle with the balance between honest and loving and might tend to still make "honest" blunders from time to time.

post-script: Mrs. Wyatt later became my middle school and high school librarian and I loved her from afar the whole time and finally told her my senior year in high school how much she had meant to me back in third grade.

22 Months

People are always asking me, "how old is she?". Before this month I was fairly confident in simply saying, "one and a half" or "a little over one and a half". Now however, that seems so long ago, so young, so baby. I stopped counting months though and thus it now takes me an inappropriate amount of time to answer that simple question. I've settled on, "she'll be two in the fall" and that seems easy enough for every one involved. When I got inspired to write on this here blog again I decided I might as well use a little brain power to figure out the months... my baby is 22 months. Seeing the number makes it all too real that she is really more of a two year old and anything with a one involved. October seems so far away and yet that 22 tells me that really, it is so close, it's practically already here!

A few of my favorite SJ-isms:


When she lifts big things or awkward things she says "mommy, heby!" I would be perfectly fine if she said "heby" instead of heavy for her whole life.

"blankie" some how became "baby" and so when I get her up in the mornings or after nap she has her blankie all wadded up and cradled in her arm taking a "nap" or "cryin"... both of which prompt her to then sing "G,G,G,G" which is her rendition of "Jesus Loves Me".
this morning when I went to get her up she had her blankie all cradled in her arms and said, "Mommy...BABY JESUS!!". I laughed out loud... every baby is "baby Jesus" these days. It's hard to know if you should encourage that or be realistic with a two year old so I always simply say,"we love baby Jesus".

she regularly finds a bag and some keys and her fake/real phone and the stroller and says "bye bye" and when I say bye back she comes and says "kiss....hug....yuv you". She is the cutest mimic.


I frequently say, "GUESS WHAT?" and she makes a big surprised face and then I say, "I LOVE YOU!". This week, every time I say "Guess what?" she says YUV YOU!

She LOVES to sing songs and dance and she can do all the motions to Wheels on the Bus and Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes. She also loves "He's got the whole world in His hands" (especially in the car). When we do other verses we put people we know in the "whole world" part and she always wants to do KK and Pete and then Wis and Ellieli, CC and Cal (moo), Shell, Gigi and Papa and Susie and Zinnia!

Zinnia is her BFF and is often the first and most frequent thought and request during the day.

(can you believe they are only 2 months apart? so sweet together)

She loves airplanes in the sky and always says "fast, fly, MORE". She also mimics the airplane by running in circles with one elbow up in the air... I have no idea how she equates that with airplane but it is hilarious.

She loves to run "fast" and will run and then say "FAST" or "CRASH"

She love to "jump" which is squatting and flailing her arms in circles or up and down at the same time

She knows most of the mommies of her friends and when we see people at church she will point to a woman and say "JUDE, SILAS...etc etc." I have no idea how she learned that.

Randomly at the dinner table the other night she said "one, two, three, four five!" ok then smarty pants. She also says ABC followed by her letters of choice, which are usually "I, D, O, B (again) and ending on A".


Signs of the toddler:

(toes and tan lines like mommy)

sudden dislike of most fruits and vegetables. She will eat most fruit if it is cooked into something or made into something like applesauce but nothing raw suites her most days.
when it comes to veggies it's about the same. If it is in something with a saucy consistency, she will eat it but if she can pick out a lump or a shade of green or red...she's out and will take whatever punishment (if you are new to this blog... no, we do not harm our child for not eating her veggies)... she will not eat it.

when she gets something she knows she shouldn't have and knows you have caught her she still grabs it but then throws it to the ground and runs. apparently just touching the forbidden fruit is a thrill worth the risk

the look... even if I am offering her a treat or a trip to the park or something really really fun and her usual favorite... if she's in the mood to be defiant, she has that look and we are going to throw down no matter how fun of a day I had planned. We've been late to a lot of fun activities because some one didn't want to get her shoes on or grab her water bottle or walk to the car etc etc. we've also ended a lot of dinners that were made especially with her taste in mind with both mom and dad a little more bald and a little more grey and SJ fully touting the look.

All in all, she is such a blessing and I am so thankful for every day the Lord has given us with her. I love seeing life through her eyes and with her fire.

The Wonder

Don't you wish you could experience life through the eyes of a child forever?
A world where magical air randomly blows through tiny windows in the floor all over your house.
Where a sparkle from your mommy's eye makes you laugh and produces a picture of a baby on the other side. And, oh what a cute baby at that!
Where blueberries make your eyes big and peanut butter and honey are so tantalizing to your tongue you can't help but giggle.
A place that is so full of fun you have to run everywhere just to get to it all before bed.
Sitting in a chair at the table is a major accomplishment and even going potty is a treat!
Every body is a friend and every animal a blessing in the day.
To live in a way that doesn't involve one second of TV, junk food, caffeine or sex and is still so amazing that you just wake up laughing and go to sleep singing.
What a wonderful life!

Mother-Load

What was the original "mother-load" that now causes eyes to bulge and hands to spread to show the magnitude, the intensity? This Mothers' Day I think I have found it, this load on mothers that is so extreme and so weighty and so universal that it has made it's way into pop culture jargon... mother-guilt.
I have yet to find a woman, no matter how old or young, who has grown eyes and skin and bones inside her being or agonized over months of paper work and meticulous training, who is not plagued by the hissing in their ears.
I can't believe you let your child cry in his bed... you are a selfish mother.
I can't believe you let your child sleep in your bed... you aren't tough enough.
You started food to early... or too late.
Your schedule is too lax... or too rigid.
You spank.
You don't spank.
When our children begin to sin, look us in the eye and say NO to God's way...we think... what have we done wrong? What could we have done different?
When a toddler hits you in the face, spits out his dinner and whines through out the store you feel the eyes of others burning into your back... even the eyes of God seem to weigh you down until you collapse, throw up your hands and cry out for HELP!
When children grow and are angry, distant, ungrateful or simply lost a mother looks back... did I spank enough or too much? What about that one time I got angry and had to leave the room... or raised my voice... or gave that look... if I had not done that one thing, would it be different today, this moment?
A mother makes a million decisions a day... what time to get the children up, what should they wear and what's to eat? How do you educate them and love them and discipline them and teach them all the things they need to know before life deals them a hard blow. What day to do the laundry and the shopping and when to play outside and how to stay safe and clean and socialized... what's for dinner and how many veggies have they had today? What about sleep overs and girl friends and boyfriends and church? Family worship, devotionals, bible memorization? What is enough and when is it too much. When to push and when to give? It's exhausting... and when so many decisions are made, it is impossible to feel secure you made them ALL right in any given day. Add to that multiple children and other people's children and then the clincher... SIN!
In the midst of this chaos of mind, it's easy to lose sight of God.
That God who is working all things for your good and His glory.
That God who is making you look more and more like his Son.
That God who knows your child more intimately than you and knows the trials they need to come to Him.
It's not all about you, or them or right now... it's about Him and this plan He has and IS working out... even when dishes lie dirty and laundry mildews in the washer and mom almost loses her cool, again...
His plan is working, molding, sanctifying... and it is good.
So, my present to you moms today and a present to myself... let it go. Work hard for the glory of God and raise open palms to the Lord with the rest and look your children in the eye and say, "I did my best, I was faithful... though a sinner and God has a plan for you!".
God doesn't ask us to save our children or give them a perfect life... he asks us to be faithful to Him
To glorify Him as we shepherd, train, discipline, love and give to God.

Love Him and him!

(Mirroring his heavenly Father, Drew is patient, kind, serving, loving, humble, compassionate, bold, teachable, flexible, adventurous, gentle, strong, wise... and very outdoorsy =) )

I am rereading a very special book for my Marriage and Family Counseling Class.
The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace.
I participated in a young, single girls bible study the last semester of my senior year in college and we went through this book (under the amazing Heather Hendrick...you should read her blog).
Martha and Heather worked together with Scripture to show us young ladies that we had it all wrong. We were on the hunt for "the one" and settling for less than God's best. God created "Adam" to lead and initiate and yet we "Eve"s were jumping the gun. It exposed so much sin in my life of selfishness and unbelief.
When Drew first told me he wanted to pursue me for marriage I said something like, "no thanks".
I was emotionally scarred and wounded from a long, recently ended relationship.
I was ready to be single... forever.
Going to seminary. etc etc
Then, it hit me that this might be the very thing I was learning about in class... not to pursue but to be pursued and see what the Lord had in store.
So I committed to "pray about it". Hoping nothing would come of it all.
As you all know by now...a couple of months later we were engaged and a few after that we were married and it has been the richest blessing (apart from salvation) I have ever received. It was also the time when I saw the Lord's hand move in amazing and tangible ways.
So, now I am rereading this book for class and I found this prayer at the end of the very first chapter, which covers what the Bible says on being an excellent wife. Drew was not on my radar and I was just beginning to hope I might have a chance at love again one day....
"Lord, please give me an open and willing heart to hear/read these words and understand your truths. I want to glorify you with my life and be broken of my sin. Please bring me a husband and prepare us to love each other and bring you glory in our relationship and our lives..."
Now I say... Yes and Amen to the first part and THANK YOU GOD for answering my prayer! How little did I believe God would actually answer this prayer when I first wrote it... but I dared hope in Him.
God showed up. (or maybe he was there all along and I finally had eyes to see and ears to hear!)
Here today I sit blessed by a wonderful husband, who is a wonderful father and faithful brother in Christ. He is the greatest gift and I am so thankful for him and proud of all that he is.
I pray the Lord will use this book again to challenge and change me into an excellent wife for Drew and for the Lord's glory and honor!

Here Lately

(the new "cheese" face)

It's been a flurry of activity around this place lately.
In case you didn't know, Drew got fired. I can't tell you what a wind of relief swept through this house and this soul when this happened. Enterprise has been like a stink stuck in the house or a weighty hand, always present on my shoulder. I felt physical relief when the Lord released us from that grip.
Drew did nothing wrong and neither did the handful of other people that got fired but that's Enterprise for you. They got scammed and instead of fixing a corporate problem, they shift blame and put themselves in a worse position... no manager, no assistant manager, no salesmen, no one to do titles and no boss over them all... good riddance.
We have been praying that God would provide a way out of erac for over three years now and though it is not the way we would have planned it, we are thankful. Thankful for time to get our other house on the market. Time to love on one another. Time to rest.
There is already another job lined up and dreams of jobs to come and time to think about vision and desire for the future.
SJ is loving her daddy being around!
She's also been practicing her mommy skills, she's quite good!

Love

Tomorrow is Valentine's day and many of us are tempted to pout.
Men and women crowd around candle lit tables and whisper to each other their love and devotion. Sparkly trinkets glitter and boast from the necks, wrists, fingers and ears of each lady and truck loads of flowers are delivered into the open arms of love lit faces.
Is this the picture of you this Valentine's weekend or is you face a stone fortress begging for a battle, or a squinted eye blazing with jealousy or does the sun lack enough rays to dry your dew strewn face?
I will admit, I have been each of these things in turn and wonder today if there is More for our hearts to seek and find and dwell within.
A Lover who does not fail and who empowers us to be a selfless love-giver too.
Many a man (and woman) I know protest this holiday as consumerific and trite and yet this noble stance seems to fall from its lofty steed when we glimpse on the Creator of Love and how lavishly He continually refills our love-cups, even to overflowing.
So, when I am disappointed by a lack of effort... am I loving others first?
When I heap expectations on another... am I giving them the gift they would ask for?
When I withhold a word, a deed, a gift, to build my box of suds... am I honoring the architect of one flesh?
So this year, let us give love freely with out requiring a fee from those we cherish.
Let us give out of the abundance we have received from the true Giver.
May our children rejoice that they are known and loved and that their parents are known and loved whether or not pennies are pinched or spent by the pound.



My #1 received two batches of homemade granola and some yummy treats for work and my love bucket will wake up to heart shaped oatmeal bars.
My greatest gift was a three day weekend at home with the two greatest loves the Lord has blessed me with!
I love you Drew (and SJ too)!