Processing #6

If you are just now reading, I would encourage you to go back to Installation #1 and start reading at the beginning of the journey!

Thankfully we were advised to take time and process the trip aloud with our spouse whenever possible along the way during our trip.
The funny thing was trying to figure out WHEN to process.
Maybe at 1am when we got back from dinner  or maybe first thing in the morning?  hmmm
I wouldn't say that I love mornings but I wouldn't say that I'm not a morning person either.  But for as long as I can remember, I do not talk in the mornings.  I remember my mom and dad trying to talk to me in the mornings before band practice in high school and getting made fun of for my variety of grunts.  Give me 30 minutes to wake up and get ready and then I'm perky and ready to go.  But right when I wake up, please be quiet.
One other problem we had was brain overload.  Neither Drew or myself are the most outgoing or most introverted but we both felt over-peopled each day.  Talking and getting to know people, while also taking in a new place every few days plus praying about difficult things going on back at home and then figuring out whether you feel "called" to move here permanently was a little overwhelming for the brain.
So we did process a little together on the trip but mostly I just felt like my brain was in stunned silence.
When we got back to the States I did my best to share with friends and family but I didn't feel like I could journal or really dive into any of it even on my own.  My brain had switched off and wouldn't even let me in.
After about two weeks, life was returning to normal and Drew and I had time to sit and talk and finally I felt like my brain was turning back on.
To sum it up, we both loved France and felt like we really could see ourselves fitting in a place like that.  We both felt the huge need that was there and desire to see people brought to Christ.
Neither of us felt that we would be disobeying if we didn't go or if we did go at that point.  We felt at peace to just sit and pray and ride out the process and see what happened next.
Well, we didn't have to sit very long.  Before we had even been back a month Drew was offered a job/internship with a new company.  No promises were made but there were some really good possibilities that this company would be interested in sending us, along with two other families on our team to France.  WHAT?
This may seem small and insignificant to you but it was pretty huge to me.  Over the last five or six years Drew has applied to COUNTLESS jobs.  We didn't tell people most of the time b/c we didn't want to get people's hopes up and then have to tell every one we didn't get it... again.  Turns out that was really wise b/c we didn't get any of them.  Drew was #2 again and again... as I previously mentioned.  We were open... we applied to Texas, Colorado, California, Kentucky, Indiana etc etc....
So for Drew to basically put in no effort and then get offered a great job that wanted to possibly take us to France.. was HUGE!
We had to wait a few weeks for Drew to finish well in his previous job... and to get a big quarterly bonus that will basically enable us to take the internship pay cut.  That's right... pay.cut.  As in, can't pay your bills cut.
So there was a little bit of faith leaping in there too.
So, we went from only mildly interested in our friends missions plans, to on a plane, to in France and now into a new job that Lord willing will have us in France fall of 2013.
Wow.
And did I mention that I have been praying praying praying that the Lord would give Drew a job where he could wear jeans and chacos?  Well, this job does!!  He would've taken it regardless of dress code but it is AMAZING to be able to dress casual to work... I can tell a difference already in his energy and happiness when he gets home from the new job.  Today he even got to ride his bike to work!
Now you are pretty much caught up on our journey thus far and I would love for you to continue to follow and pray for us as we ask God to do big things in the next year to take our team to France and then for more big things once we are in France.
We will be doing language school, missions school, figuring out insurance, getting rid of most of not all of our possessions, preschool, and then normal church life and family life and trying to soak in all of our "lasts" over the next year.
There is a good chance this blog will also be going private really soon... there are some that I know follow the blog that will be notified if a password is put up but some of you may read this from time to time and really want to keep stalking and I want you to... but you'll have to let me know how to get you the password.
My main concern is not endangering any current or future missionaries and protecting our children from unwanted predators (they are all of course unwanted).

5 The Trip Two

                          (Nimes, France)

 So we were loaded up and in the air, across the ocean and on new land.  France!

I have to admit that we were a little predisposed to like France.  Here we had been traveling for a day.. inside a dark airplane full of recycled air and terrible food and no sleep.  Then we were cooped up in the Paris airport, which was hot and cold depending on where you were and very dreary.  Then we took a short flight (where we all miraculously slept for an hour or so) and came out in Marseille, full on sunshine and warmth.  

We crammed into a couple of taxi cars/vans and drove the half hour or so to our hotel with the windows open flying down the highway, watching the coast of the Mediterranean the whole way.  Ah, fresh air and sunshine... two of my most favorite things in life!  I am pretty sure I exclaimed "I LOVE this place" at least a few times in the first hour.  

We drove into the city and found our hotel right between two metro stops and among apartments and bakeries and banks and normal life.  It wasn't a tall separate building but instead build right into an apartment-looking building.  The only thing that made it recognizable was the neon sign and sliding doors.  

I was pretty freaked about our accommodations b/c I am TERRIFIED of bed bugs and Europe is infamous for them.  We quickly discovered that this was a brand new hotel and that the assistant manager had become a believer through missionaries coming through like us.  There was free internet, the rooms were AMAZING with a kitchen and huge bathroom and drying rack and organic tea and sugar!!  Did I mention, "I LOVE THIS PLACE"?!

So, despite long and uncomfortable travel, I was fond of this place right from the start.  

Then we met the missionaries and they were each so sweet and kind and easy to talk to and REAL.  

The fact of their life and our trip is that there is spiritual attack and they are waging war in what might look like a losing battle to the untrained eye! 

The day before we got there some of the Ms had been robbed of all their summer finances.  Right after we got there the wife of the leader of the M team got really sick and then so did her daughter.  

However, despite many hiccups we settled in and got rested for the next day.  

The next day we scouted out a new area of town for them to distribute DVDs and other info about Christianity.  We sang in a couple of parks and some of the ladies did free henna (telling Bible stories through their art) and we prayer walked and distributed DVDS with Bible stories.  

Later we were able to go to one of the Ms apartments to get a feel for real life there and they were really open with us about finances and life there, which was great for us since we were really thinking about what it would be like to live there with our family.  

Did I mention I fell in love with the Ms?  

I don't know what it was but they were all so wonderful and genuine and interesting.  I loved hearing their stories and praying for their work and thinking about how our long term team might fit in with them, partnering to bring light to France!  

And we had amazing food.  (that would take a whole new post)

By late afternoon we were all bushed so they let us relax and take a ferry ride to a little island off the coast.  We walked (some hiked) and put our feet in the Mediterranean.  It was very refreshing. 

The next day was my favorite day of the whole trip.  

They told us to dress in our most modest outfits (we were already told to bring long skirts and shirts etc) and we went out to the North African market.

It is a market that is only once a week and it's like you've walked into Africa.  People are selling everything from trash to treasure on mats along the street and then you get into the actual market and it's teaming with N. Africans.  

Pretty much all N.Africans are muslim and many very conservative.  

So we broke up into teams of three and stationed ourselves along the entire street in front of the market and handed out DVDs of the prophets from the Bible.  

We handed out 800 DVDs in less than 2 hours.  

Our team rocked it out!!  

I was so so so nervous at first.  

I am not an in your face type of person and definitely not a solicitor.  But they assured us this was normal and acceptable in this culture... even to be a little pushy.

The first one was the hardest... who to ask first?

Then I lept.  

I just jumped out of myself and found myself speaking our three little French phrases and passing out DVDs faster than they could keep me stocked!  

I only spoke to women and some humored me but some were actually interested.  

I prayed for every single person I spoke to and some that I didn't speak to.  

I prayed for the hands that received those DVDs and the children tagging alongside those long flowing skirts.  

It was a thrill and an eye-opener.  What a see of deceit.  

The enemy has so many people completely blinded to the truth.  

Some of the teams even met open hostility while passing out.  

I know that the trip was not about me, but about helping these missionaries and encouraging them but man I was so blessed by this experience.  

To get outside of myself and feel the Holy Spirit working to give me courage and boldness and to prompt me to pray pray pray with genuine love for a people that honestly, I've always been afraid of.  

Those eyes, those hands.... they are human just like mine.  

They are sad or glad or mad or bored or excited just like the many people I pass in my every day life.  

That was Sunday so that night we led worship for the Ms at one of the local churches and heard from one of their pastors.  He is French... not really born there I'm pretty sure he was Belgian or something by birth but has been all over and in France for a long time.  More French than us for sure!  

His message was so stirring that if I ever had to pick a time I felt "called", it would be that sermon.  

The next day we went to Montpellier to meet up with a couple that had recently been sent through our church and the IMB and was still getting settled there.  They were there with one other family and not much was established there for us to do.  So we did a lot of prayer walking and exploring and it got cold and dreary and we got tired and over stimulated and more people got sick. 

The team leader of the Ms wife had to go in for emergency surgery and their daughter remained really ill and then the daughter of the leader in the second town was really sick and then the last day in the second place a guy on our team started to pass a kidney stone and got really ill and our plans continued to unravel and change every minute.  

Finally we stopped in Nimes on our way back to Marseille and it was amazing.  There was a Roman colosseum and other ancient artifacts and places and it was so quaint and full of personality.  But we were only there for mere hours.  

We also saw the full extend of segregation going on in France in Nimes.  The French and North Africans basically live in two different cities right next to each other and they do not mingle and they both call it Nimes.  It was overwhelming how huge the N. African part was and that there was no Christian presence at all.  It felt dark.  

We spent one last day in Marseille, filling up on our favorite foods and pastries and helping the Ms get work ready for all their summer project teams and saying goodbye.  

Then we left at 3am and started the long long journey home.

Four: the Trip

Deciding to go on the trip was relatively easy it seemed compared to the task of raising $6000 in support to go on the trip.
$6000 is a lot of money... like two months of living expenses, a really nice vacation or several nice vacations, more money than I have seen in cash ever before!
I really had basically no faith that we would actually be able to raise the money.  None of our friends or family are rich and honestly we don't have a ton of friends to even ask!
Thankfully our community group really called me out on my lack of belief.  They encouraged me to ask boldly from the Lord and from others and to trust the money would all come together.
So we took some family pictures, wrote letters, addressed envelopes, prayed and sent out about fifty support letters.
The funny thing about the letters... there were people we knew had money or knew loved missions that we were pretty sure would support us and then there were other people that we just wanted to keep updated on what was going on with us, who we would be thrilled if they could give $10 or just prayer.
However, when money started to come in, we were surprised over and over again at the generosity of people we never expected to give.  Family and friends both sacrificially gave to our mission trip and I was humbled again and again.  I can't tell you in words how thankful I was to the Lord for providing and to our friends and family for being so willing to join with us for this crazy journey.
Another awesome fact of the fund raising is that we had one specific deadline halfway through and got just enough money right before it was due.  Then there was a long period where we didn't get anything at all.  We were thankful for reaching the half way goal and were prepared to use tax refunds or savings for the rest and then the week before the final amount was due people generously stepped up again and we met our entire goal right in time.  Not a minute too soon but not a second late!
I am still in awe of how good my heavenly Father is and that even raising this money was a part of His plan to help me trust in Him for an even bigger plan.
We are also blessed with two sets of parents that helped us keep SJ while we were gone.  They are true champions (though I think they would gladly kick us out to keep SJ any time).
Leaving SJ was an even bigger fear for me than the money issue.  However, SJ did amazing.  We started talking about the trip just a few days before we left (we tried earlier but she didn't get it at all) and she was great with it and excited for her gparents to arrive.
However, two night before the trip she started screaming in the mornings for her mommy and I was pretty sure that was her little mind trying to cope with mommy leaving and a little spiritual warfare mixed in too perhaps.  It was so hard on my heart and then right as we were leaving she started crying that she wanted to go with us.  My heart actually broke I think.  I almost completely lost it and thankfully my mother-in-law stepped in to cheer SJ up about going to the park etc and so she was fine and then so was I.  I figured I would lose it after she left but I didn't.  My heart was totally at peace.  I knew she was happy and loved and going to have a blast and I was so thankful to be on this journey with Drew.
Praise God, she didn't wake up crying a single time while we were gone and never melted down for mommy or daddy but was then SUPER excited when we came back and was all love and cuddles for a few days.

So, we were paid up and loaded up and in the air... ready to meet France!

Scene Three

So, here we are, finally making a few new friends and whack... they hit us with the news that they are all (two couples really) planning to move to France in the future.
Honestly, when Drew and I talked about this I think we both (but definitely me) really thought about just dropping these friends.  Of course we would still be friends with them and do community group with them but we wouldn't really invest or dive in or seek them out for deep relationships, knowing they would just leave.
But that didn't really work because we really liked these couples and we saw them on a regular basis and you couldn't help but become a little attached.  We got to see each couple have a baby (or two) and then watch those little ones grow and change.  Drew got to know one of them men better at work and then the guys started cycling together.  They just weren't going away!  haha
I think a few times they mentioned to Drew, "you guys should just come to France" or something along those lines.  But it was always with out any real pressure and mostly joking it seemed.  So we just laugh, "yea...right.".
However, we had also started talking about all of the opportunities we had had in the past and all those we hadn't had as well.  Drew had been actively seeking out jobs in the Christian camping world and though in my eyes he is overly qualified and perfect for every position he applied for... door after door were closed.  He seriously made it to #2 on a  number of jobs and then they'd give it to some one else.  Super discouraging.  So, after a trip to the camp to talk to some people in person and still no open doors, we decided that maybe we needed to pick a new dream to pursue because it seemed God just wasn't letting us get into the camp world.
Shortly after some discussions along those lines and more talks about dreaming big and trusting God, our church announced they were going to have several summer mission trips and that one of them was to Southern France.
Hmmmm....
We were just talking about maybe sort of slightly thinking about maybe seeing what it might be like to almost kind of look into what our friends were thinking about France.. maybe.
So, what better way to check it out than to GO?
But, no.
We don't have that kind of money.
We've always wanted to go on a mission trip but going to France seemed like a pretty lame place to go on a mission trip to (shows what we knew).
Also, I'm not sure what I think about short term missions.
I have friends (well I think they are my friends b/c I blog stalk them) who were missionaries in Haiti and they really talked about how short term missions can be a waste of money that could be put to better use and how they often are more detrimental to the people and culture than helpful.  She is actually having a whole discussion about this now so check out Heather Hendrick in my blogroll.
Then there was the fact that they were encouraging only future missionaries to go on the trip and we had noooo idea if that is what we would be led to do and we weren't even leaning one way or the other.
Plus, we are goobers and not super spiritual, holy amazing missionary type.  We are sin every day, barely remember to tell ourselves the gospel much less tell any one else... trying to survive people.
Thankfully, we met with the guy who overseas missions at our church and was leading this trip and we were very upfront and honest with him about who we are and what are motives are etc etc.
He straight up told us, we were exactly what they were looking for.
I'd say their standards are pretty low but I will also say, I was flooded with a sense of peace.
No one was deceived about who we are.
We could be ourselves.  Be real.  And be accepted and welcomed on the short term team.
So, we went from pretty positively NOT going on the trip to filling out a CRAZY LONG application overnight and turning it in at the last second of the deadline.
Whew.
So... we were going to France for 10 days.
We had no idea what to expect from the place, the people or the trip but we were going completely open.
We figured we had nothing to lose b/c at the very least we would know how to better pray for our friends going long term and we could encourage the current missionaries there.
At the very best we might find God's next step for the plan he is working out for us.

Numéro deux d'installation

Woah... are you blown away? Installation number two already?!
Now let's see where did we leave off?  Oh yes, printers and printer friends.
At this point I will back our story up a bit and come at you from a different direction.  You know where we were with work but that is only a small part of our lives.
The major part of our lives is/was community.
We believe and strive for Gospel community.
Right when we moved to Louisville and started attending Sojourn we were dropped into an amazing community group.  These people were our home away from home.  We celebrated holidays together, babysat each other's kids (for those that had them) and did life together.  It was pretty easy b/c no one had a lot of kids and the kids were babies and most of us were working part time, going to school and/or staying at home.  So we had time together.  These guys were amazing.
Sadly, our group got really large and we had to multiply and then didn't see each other quite as much.  At the same time, people started graduating from Seminary and thinking about jobs and futures etc etc.  A large part of the group decided to church plant in Texas.
Hmmm... we are from Texas... we truly love these people.... maybe we should go too!
We talked and fiddled our thumbs and talked and joked and ultimately, it just didn't work out.  We were still so attached to our church and didn't feel ready to leave... and I was still in school full time here and south Texas wasn't really our number one ideal place to live (more like dead last).  So we didn't go.
To be honest, there have been multiple times that I look back on that and wish we had gone with those friends.  But I am pretty confident that it just wasn't where we were supposed to be... though it would've been so nice.
But we still had some of the group and were starting a group of our own and meeting new people and trying to make friends and it seemed like the more we tried the more people moved away.
A couple of our dearest friends joined a church plant in the northeast and we considered that move too but in the end we found ourselves here... alone.  Literally, we are the only people from that original group left in Lville.
The next season was a long season of trial and struggle with friends and community.  We were hurting and lonely a lot of the time but still leading and serving.  Then a big trial came and knocked the wind out of us and then Stella was born.  We didn't feel like we even had time to get our legs under us and we were handed this beautiful baby girl.  We were so happy she was here in the midst of a long, hard season of trial.
Then she started crying.... screaming really... and didn't stop for months.  I think I broke.
At the same time Drew took on an extra leadership position at our church and we were asked to lead as community group coaches.  We didn't see it then but oh how clearly I see it now... we were crazy and needed to just say no!
We kept pushing, through sickness, depression, loneliness and sad to say... despair.
When we became coaches we were no longer a part of a community group but leading and helping the leaders of community group.  So we had no one to lift us up it felt at times while we were bearing so many heavy burdens of others.
THANKFULLY!!  God is so so good to us.  Though we were more than likely driven by pride and the need for approval (why else did we overload ourselves so much?) he saw our state and sent us some friends.  Specifically he sent me a friend and mentor who was able to help walk with me through and out of post partum depression.  (not to mention my fabulous OB who kept me sane with perspective)
We stepped out of a lot of leadership and started working on getting back into community!
Oh and Stella finally stopped screaming!  whew.
But it has been a long process.
We finally found a few people like us, in leadership and lacking community and accountability and care and so we became a community group.  We only met every other week and always have a meal.
This idea caught on and more people joined our group and more people started groups like ours.
A couple that joined in on the group was this friend (then more of an acquaintance) that got Drew the printer job. Drew started to become friends with him (that sounds really girly... sorry dudes) and a couple of other guys and we started to hope we would find another close community... then one night we found out... they were all already planning to move to France.  (cue clanging gong).

Pictures to Match

I guess I was a little too long winded in that first installation... here are some of the views we had in France that I wanted to post with it....

Bonjour!

Here we are! Back from France... (sorry.. blogger won't let me add photos) All I can think to say right now is: Wow. Wow God. Many of you who read this blog were also a part of the updates we sent out... or mostly Drew sent out. So I don't want to bore every one with the details. Over the next few months this blog will more than likely be dominated by the word France. I want to document all the Lord has done and will do as we journey through this France thing. So for my sake, more than yours, I am going to start at the semi beginning and process this journey on the blog... it is also so that I can have this conversation with you all at once instead of repeating the whole process again and again b/c honestly sometimes I just can't share it all again.. it can wear me out! This way most of you who care will get the basics here and can then ask questions or for specifics as they come up! And if you know of people interested in our story you have a clear place to send them. So... here we go... installation #1. How far back do we go? Once Upon A Time.... We have been living in Louisville for what will be six years this October. Louisville was a surprise... like the kind of surprise when some one gets you something NOT on your Christmas List but is the best present you got and just what you needed. Who goes to Kentucky? Who wants to live in Kentucky? That's what we thought coming to this place. We will get some schooling, spread our wings and then we're gone. But then we fell in love. We fell in love with four seasons and trees and the small town feel in the midst of a city life. Most of all we fell in love with our church. So we settled down and prepared to stay. We have been holding our mouths open to the fire hydrant for five years... soaking up everything our church and community had to offer. Taking every class or training possible... trying to learn and grow in the gospel as much as possible. However, in the midst of all of this amazing community and spiritual growth there was a big thorn. In order to stay in this city we love Drew was having to sacrifice every day. He worked for years at ERAC and I can safely say it was mostly miserable. The Lord totally blessed his time there and he was very successful in getting promotion after promotion and the Lord made it painfully obvious that that is exactly where he wanted Drew to be... but it was hard. It was long hours with little pay and even less respect. It was suits and ties and rules and regulations and paying dues to "the man" every day. It was hard. For the first few years we applied to other jobs in Louisville and every thing that seemed promising fell through. But we weren't really willing to leave and so we just stuck it out. Then, in the last couple of years we finally felt like we could let go of Louisville if it meant Drew could have a job that was a better fit for him. So we applied and applied and absolutely nothing has worked out. That was maybe harder (for me at least). Why God? What is going on? This is so unfair. We have watched friend after friend get their dream job and yet we felt that our job situation was getting worse and worse. We prayed and prayed and begged God for a new job and a better fit... we will go ANYWHERE! Drew finally got another job, by no means a dream job but at least fewer hours and we were praying for confirmation if this in fact was where we were supposed to go and then out of no where... right after Drew got the offer from the new job he was fired from ERAC... Fired? WHAT?!?! They should be groveling at his feet for working two jobs for the price of one and always working hard when every one else slacked off and patiently waiting for that promised raise etc etc... It was shady and unjust and unexpected and yet... so freeing. I felt incredible joy the moment I found out Drew was fired. I felt so secure knowing that God knew we needed an answer loud and clear that we were finally released from our time at ERAC... So our time began at the new job.. selling printers. Not much more glamourous than selling cars but Drew got to see his daughter every day... a luxury he didn't have before and he had a friend at work who loves Jesus and went to our church, who we are even in community group with now... another luxury. Little did we know.....