Friday, September 25, 2009
We officially have only 3 weeks until our due date estimate!
As you can see from the picture... I have grown quite a bit. This week I have been mostly down on the couch trying to avoid the flu and trying to get a handle on my allergies. We've had crazy pressure and humidity and it has been playing games with my head! I really go back and forth about how I feel about my body these days. At first I was happy that my baby belly was looking rounder instead of bigger and flatter. I am still happy that our baby is obviously growing like a weed in there, you can pretty much feel her at any point, not just when she is kicking. There is always a knee, elbow or butt that is obvious. It's also been great to be out and about and have people tell me how small I am or how cute I look. One brave Dillards employee even went so far as to guarantee me that I was so small that there was no way my baby would be over 5lbs 9oz. Hmmm... we'll see. Supposedly at this stage in labor most babies are already 6lbs and I am really right on track... not at all under weight or under sized.
On the flip side, there is a part of me that can't help (though I should) compare myself to cuter pregnant women or really stylish non-pregnant women (or all the beautiful and skinny women in my family). Many of maternity clothes are even getting small for this baby belly and it's not really my ideal to wear the same thing 3-4 times a week. It's also hard when I spend most of the day reading or doing things around the house... because I feel useless and large. I really think this is a partly spiritual battle for me because I've been really thinking about how much we women obsess about our bodies. I would like nothing more (ok that's a lie) than to have the tightest legs, butt and abs around and to be able to fit into tiny jeans... but when does that priority become a sin? Why do we want these amazing bodies? Does the Bible outline exactly what size is a healthy size for a woman to be... or are there mandates some where in there about working out? I do think we are to be responsible with our bodies, which includes eating right and exercise and I think the opposite extreme could be a sin too... but I am just wondering if our ideal is a little off... a little "of this world". It seems like we usually want amazing bodies to impress others, to make others like us or envy us or be attracted to us. I know personally, my husband is always telling me how much he likes me and is attracted to me just like I am... so if I am obsessed with changing, it's obviously not for his eyes only.
On the other, other hand... I do really enjoy working out and I think if that is you too, it's not a sin to enjoy running or what ever.. it's when we work out to the glory of ourselves and to the neglect of our husbands and families... which God HAS given us clear commands about.
So...all that to say, I am obviously bigger and that is wonderful and terrifying thing all at once!
In other news, Stella is right on track and things are going great in the pregnancy. I have a few more aches and pains but I am encouraged because most of these pains are pointing out that labor is on its way. She is WAY down and likes to head butt my pelvic bones whenever I am walking/waddling, which is actually GREAT because that means she is getting in the ready position. She has also decided that I do not need the use of my lungs or bladder and is thinking about taking over my stomach space as well! We'll have to work on the whole sharing thing when she gets here.
We also met with our doula and she is pretty much on call for us until the birth!
I haven't been nesting like most people think... and that's because we are still waiting to purchase the major items on our list (waiting on a coupon).. but last week alone I made hummus, pita bread, chocolate pie and granola bars! They all turned out great too!
Please pray with us as we approach Stella's birth... natural child birth is much easier said than done and though I don't feel afraid, I do feel very intimidated and unsure of myself. I am reading up and watching videos to really get realistic expectations and it is all very intense! So please pray for a safe and natural birth for Stella and me and that Drew would feel included and empowered through out the whole process and as we transition into parenthood.