Friday, April 2, 2010

...It Pours

With the coming of Spring, comes rain... and for us it has been more than just a literal down pour.
Have I mentioned this year has been rough? Yes? Well, it has. Starting about this time last year things just got a little sticky. Relationships were messy, I was pregnant (though I loved being pregnant there were some bumps along the way), Drew was still (and is still) stuck at a job he less than enjoys...etc etc.... there was just a lot going on. Those things began to let up just the slightest bit and beautiful SJ was born. Her birth was a little less than ideal as far as timing and fashion go but we were glad to have her. However, once she was born my body began to change... yes it got smaller (praise the Lord) but it also got a lot sadder. I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with all the information I had ingested while pregnant and now had to put to use. Overwhelmed with the amount of responsibility heaped on my shoulders. Overwhelmed by visitors I wanted to host properly but then was overwhelmed by sleep. Oh, it was overwhelming. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of anxiety and sadness and I could see every one on the shore waving at me and telling me to swim but no one could get in the water and teach me to swim. Thankfully the Lord dove in. In the midst of this, SJ became overwhelmed herself with colic and reflux and screamed for the next two months almost non stop. Oh my. Then just as things were getting a little better we flew to Texas for a few weeks and had tons of crazy travel and late nights etc etc. Though it was fun... it was still hard on top of everything else. Then Drew took a major hit in the job department and we felt like we were at rock bottom... no a little lower than that because we definitely felt rocks on top of us too. We just felt like we hadn't had a chance to catch our breath since April. Whew. We weren't sad to see 2009 go by.
In January I thought we were seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. My anxiety and sadness were disappearing thanks to the wonderful power of the Lord and his Spirit working in me (and thanks to the helping hands he sent on earth to challenge me and turn me to him again and again). I let go of so much mommy stress and let Stella just grow into who she was going to be and she started evening out a little too. Drew's work was still the same but at least there was some routine established there. Then the colds came. I started feeling a little icky and got onto tackling it but before I knew it Drew was sick (he rarely gets sick) and he just hasn't really gotten over it since! He will get sick and mend just enough over the weekend or day off that he gets only to turn back to work and fall into it all again. Then he got a stomach bug and had to miss the baby dedication on top of all that and Stella started teething and this was getting me a little down again. Ok, maybe more than a little.
Drew got better just in time to celebrate his birthday last weekend (thanks for every one who came, it made it so great to have so many loving faces greet him) and then wham...bam...slap... I woke up Monday morning with a bad bad feeling... you know it, the tossing and turning of the stomach that can only mean one very bad thing. I laid very still and prayed not to throw up... a request granted to me at a very very high and frequent cost (if you get my drift)... and then ungranted (if that's a word) at about 6pm at which time I began to throw up every thing left in me... most of it still recognizable... sick. I HATE TO THROW UP. I will do almost anything to not throw up... so after an already long and hard day of losing my contents, this was torture. Drew had to take off two more days in order to take care of Stella and me b/c I could not do a single thing but moan... I literally couldn't even cry (though I wanted to) because I felt like that would be wasting any hydration I had left to nurse Stella with.
Finally yesterday I felt better enough (with some help from friends) for Drew to return to work. He got home and our neighbor comments that we have a flat tire (again)... they try to air it up... no go.. .it's a hole. So Drew comes in and takes the other car to get me some soup (b/c I still couldn't stand long enough to cook) and after he comes out with the food the car won't start... and he forgot his phone... and my phone is on silent b/c I'm wrestling, I mean nursing SJ in the other room....
I mean seriously... I could keep going but really, let's just all laugh at how absurd this is getting!
Oh wait... just one more thing... then... today... we had our roof redone
hahah ho ho ho ho hehehe... if you have ever had this done you are laughing with me b/c you understand how hilarious it is for a recovering sick woman with a small baby to be stranded at home with no car and with vaulted ceilings and hard wood floors while her roof is being redone.... hahaha ho ho... it hurts really... oh my.
Ok, seriously. Back to the point.
I am seriously laughing... I'm really not bitter (tired yes, but seriously not being sarcastic!). The Lord has done a lot of growing, pruning and refining in our lives during this last year and especially during this last month. I had a loving friend rescue me from my house today with a car seat for SJ and everything. I have had countless people pray for us, bring us meals, send encouraging words and just hang out. Hey, we got a new roof out of the deal for only the cost of our copay! I am launching into a healthier lifestyle for our family. I still have milk to offer SJ after 3 days of no food or drink.
The Lord is sovereign and so gracious to us. He is soooo long suffering with my constant sin and rebellion. He is full of ever lasting loving kindness and I am so so thankful that he has given me so many worldly comforts and yet also loves me enough to discipline me and refine me. I don't know when the light at the end of the tunnel will be the present and though I long for that day, I am also overjoyed to think about the woman I will be because of all he has led me through instead of continuing to be the woman I was forever (worrying, comparing, stressed, perfectionist).
So let's laugh and all say that it is so so very true that for the Lewisi... when it rains, it pours!

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