Saturday, April 3, 2010

This Day

What do you think this day was like 2000ish years ago?
As I sit here in my pjs I wonder if the day was a little like today. It's a little gloomy (the weather... not my emotions). It's still dark outside, although it's almost 11am and the house is completely quiet except a few comforting noises...the pit pat of rain and the click of the keyboard and the hum of my little space heater. It's a day for tea-drinking, cuddling, reading and reflecting.
What were the disciples feeling on this day?
I know that after a close friend or family member has died it seems to me like the next morning is always the weirdest. You have that crying hangover from the days, weeks or months preceding and probably very little sleep and then here is a new day and you don't know what to do with it. This person, who was a vital part of your life, whether mentally or physically is now gone and yet here is a new day... the world has just kept right on turning despite the fact that you are fairly certain it had stopped. So now you have to catch up... teeth still need brushing and bodies washing and food should be consumed at some point. Then, depending on your relation to the person there are all those details... funerals, clothing, all their possessions and letting every one know the news. It just doesn't seem real. I've only experienced this a few times (for which I am extremely thankful) but it is always during this period I find it hardest to cry b/c it just doesn't seem real. The day of, buckets of tears, the funeral and days following, tears tears, but this morning right after a devastating event just feels like holding my breath.
There is a lot of to-do about Good Friday and Easter Sunday (and rightfully so) but I wonder about this Saturday (though it probably wasn't a Saturday at all) and what it was like. Jesus, the beloved teacher, leader, friend and son... dead... tortured but also buried. Gone. Or seemingly so. They had Sabbath meals to prepare and attend and prayers to say... how could they have prayed? What did those prayers sound like? Did any one hope? Did they remember all those times their teacher had mentioned rising in three days? Rebuilding that temple? Did they deep deep down hold out hope?
I'm sure they were scared a little... the cross isn't a really appealing way to die and Herod and others like him were known for their paranoia and ruthless killings.
Were they quiet except for the occasional sob or sigh?
What are people thinking today?
I am sure there are people who think of themselves as high religious...whether Catholic, Baptist or whatever and are so wrapped up in preparing for the big day that they are forgetting what Easter is really about... the significance for their eternal soul! There are easter dresses to press and where are those white hose we bought and then all those white shoes and find your slip and the right hair bow. Others are fussing over the right table cloth and marinating the meat for just the right amount of time and worrying about what cousin so and so will say about this or that and who will sit by whom. Then there are the millions of children looking for that bunny and hoping for toys and candy and eggs and wondering when they can change out of those itchy clothes.
I wonder if there are others who are dreading their bi-annual visit to church. Wondering if they are missing something... if there is something more to it all or if this really is just an annoying ritual in a purposeless life.
What does the Pope feel on Easter... what about the homeless man downtown?
I just wonder what God sees and hears on this memorial day. I am confident there will be praise from thousands of faithful believers and I don't want to underestimate that... but if we could look the world over in one gaze, what would we see? If we could look our own hearts over what would we see?
For me, I almost forgot it was Easter. With a week long stomach bug, I didn't even know it was the weekend much less time for Easter. We don't have definite plans and I don't have a new outfit to wear. We won't go to church in the morning, but at the evening service like usual (which feels very un-Easter-y). We won't get to be with our families (well, not blood at least) and SJ won't have any clue that this day is any different from the other days when she eats, poops, sleeps and plays.
I pray that today my heart... our hearts... will be thankful that today doesn't have to be a gloomy and hopeless day for us because 2000ish years ago Christ went into the tomb and came out again! We don't have to wonder who the Messiah is or how we will ever accomplish all of the law. We don't have to fear even death because Christ already paid all our debts before God and allows us to come before Him with a clear conscience in His name and have peace (NO CONDEMNATION) with God!
So, Happy Easter a little early....Peace be with you!

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